Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Disturbing Truth: Scout is an Auburn Tiger

War Damn Eagle. 
Until they won the national championship on Monday, I didn't know much about the University of Auburn.  I didn't even know what state Auburn was in.  But after some extended exposure to their fanbase a frightening reality was exposed.  Even though D and I are Duck fans, our dog is an Auburn Tiger.

  • Her name is Scout Finch and she's from Maycomb County, Alabama.
  • She keeps barking, "War Eagle."
  • She wore a cocktail dress and insisted her boyfriend wear an orange oxford (tucked-in), khakis and loafers to the dog park. 
  • She smiles and wags her tail as she talks smack about the Ducks and then insists that she isn't being rude at all.  
  • She keeps lifting her paw into the Heisman pose.  
  • She gloats about how SEC football is just, "A way of life 'round here.  Family, All In."
  • She's told five different versions of the War Eagle legend.
  • She keeps barking, "Bodygetta Bodygetta Bodygetta Bah Rah Rah Rah Sis Boom Bah Weagle Weagle War Damn Eagle Kick em in the butt, Big Blue Hey," whatever that means. 
  • She suddenly outweighs everyone on the Oregon line by 45 pounds. 
  • She keeps insisting, "Hey, y'all played a real good game."
  • She says she had no idea her dad took $180,000 for her to play. 

Friday, January 7, 2011

BCS Tickets, Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Me:  It couldn't possibly be that hard to find tickets to the National Championship game.
Ticket God:  Have you checked Stubhub?  Oh, my bad.  Just kidding. 
Me:  So it is that hard.
Ticket God:  Possibly.  You don't have a few thousand dollars?
Me:  No.
Ticket God:  Well...
Me:  Is there anything I can do?
Ticket God:  Just show up.  I'll see what I can do.
Me:  Thank you, Ticket God.  Thank you.